things done changed, part deux

or have they? more on that toward the end of this blog.

theonlychaos graduated yesterday. I am so incredibly proud of her, and amazed at her journey, which is really just beginning. The chaos happens to be my daughter, incidentally. We had a BBQ for her, and all our folks came through: the Diva, Sadat, Neo, the baby-daddy & his peeps, the white guy & his boys, Nova, Angel-lee, Nyamazelah, Britt, the Twinz, Val, Victoria, Fee-Fee, Starling, Anton, Curtis, etc...etc... It was quite wonderful, and the chaos had an excellent time. I'm so glad we all had a chance to get together. Their graduation ceremony was wonderful also, and I'm proud that they've all planned to continue their education.

so, have things changed? I thought I had a good man, but did'ja notice a name missing from the list? JC was a no-show. Matter of fact, JC has been MIA for at least 36-40 hours now. That's the longest I've gone without hearing from him in the last few months.

it's one thing to disappoint me & hurt me. Fine, it's happened before & I'm a grown-a$$ woman; I'll get over it. However, he hurt & disappointed the chaos. That is a whole different animal. Mary, when I see ya, I'm gonna long D ya, kna'mean??!!!! He's well f%^&ed. I gave his a$$ an out on 05/23/02; check back to the archives if ya feelin clueless. I actually told him that I wanted the whole thing to be over, and he said that's not what he wanted. That's not what he wanted. Then why do this? He swore he was "working like a Mexican to make sure he could be there..." and he not only no-shows, but he doesn't even bother to call & say he's gonna front. the chaos has been unusually silent on the whole matter. even the baby-daddy hasn't asked me about it yet. I'm not humiliated, or embarassed. I gave it my all, that's all I could do, and I don't feel bad about that. I'm not completely confused, or completely clueless. I'm sorta just sitting here with my heart in my hands, trying to protect it from JC, and wondering why? why do I have to protect it from him? I've never asked him for anything except his honesty, and it seems that was the one thing I couldn't have. the one thing he couldn't give. f%^& the fantasy ending, the happily ever after. I just wanted the happily now.

I told myself that I wouldn't shed another tear for another brother. Funny, who's crying now?